


Maelstrom

by windsabove



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: F/F, High School, Invasion plot, It's always about revenge, Oblivious Irkens are Oblivious, Planet induced growth spurts, Rescue Mission, Revenge, Seriously I don't think Tak can fit any more anger in her body but we'll see, Slow Burn, So much anger, With a side of anger, Zim is a Long Boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-20 10:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsabove/pseuds/windsabove
Summary: Everyone thought Tak's plan was over once she was jettisoned into space and her ship gloriously crashed in Dib's backyard. But ever since she escaped Planet Dirt, someone has been looking for her: an Invader with a track record of successful, ruthless conquest. She intends to find Tak and put an end to the Irken that destroyed her companion's success, with only a brief message, her own skills, and gathered knowledge about Earth to help her. But why not take the planet while she's at it?After all, it was always about revenge.





	1. Migration

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, hello, Florpus dragged me back into Zim hell, how are you?
> 
> So this isn't actually my first foray into Invader Zim fanfic. It was the first fandom I ever posted for back in the day, and this involves an OC of mine that I revamped hardcore. Super hardcore. I got this idea because Tak is actually one of my favorite characters, if not my favorite, and I wanted to give her another shot at this whole thing with my own twists. Hope you guys enjoy!

_ Day 752 _

_ Over two years on this dirt ball and almost nothing to show for it, save for an acquisition for some Earthen food in this small piece of countryland they call Japan. Earth is where she last was, according to my research and the tracking I carried out on her message. No sign of her ship, no signal within the planet’s radius. I have to move on from this spot and fly over to where HE is. Amerika, I think they call it. Ignore my spelling, human languages are ridiculously stupid. Well, some of them are. _

_ No suspicions from the empire, either. As far as they know, I’m still stationed on Lit-Raturous. Not that they would suspect much else. They’re used to my slow methods by now. If anything, they’ve forgotten about me. A blessing, for a change. _

_ I should leave for this Amerika tonight. Their education cycle is starting again in a few days, from what I understand, and if HE is anything like myself, the planet induced a growth spurt. HE’LL have to blend in with the lanky, awkward, semi-fledgling humans now. I’ve prepared accordingly. _

_ I just hope HE is as dumb as he was in the academy. _

_ Invader Kilaneka, _

_ Signing Off _

Kilaneka slapped her notebook shut and studied the cover. Two cats with big, round eyes sat between two tacos on a space background, complete with sparkles that were supposed to simulate stars. Gaudy, but cute at the same time. She picked it up in a corner store on her way home one day. The elderly man at the counter greeted her with a smile, thinking she was an innocent student traversing from school. She looked over at the pen she used. The purple ink sparkled in the right light, which, strangely enough, brought her some joy. 

Not all human things were bad. 

She stood up and placed both notebook and pen in a small bag, then turned and surveyed the room. Empty, save for the furniture she couldn’t take. Well, she could, but there was only so much she could do with her shrinking device before it became excessive. Besides, the bed wasn’t _ that _ comfortable.

Something clinked against the floor. Her S.I.R. unit, though she never called it that. It felt like eons ago when she finally settled on a name, though it was only about a week ago. 

“Ma’am?” the small robot said. “Are you ready to leave?”

Kilaneka smiled a bit. “Yes, Blorg. I think so.”

“You...still haven’t decided on a name for me, have you?”

She frowned. “And how do you know that?”

“You didn’t call me Blorg yesterday.”

She sighed, curled antennae twitching in response. “I...thought I had. I guess not.” She strolled over to the window. “Blorg isn’t a good name, is it?”

“Permission to be honest?”

“Granted.”

“It sucks.”

“I knew it.” Kilaneka watched a car putter down the street. “Anything else you’d like to say?”

Blorg shifted a bit. “You...seem distracted.”

Her hands clenched into fists, then relaxed. 

“How can I _ not _ be distracted? Two years of nothing.”

“You’ve gained knowledge.”

“Of course I have, but knowledge only gets us so far. Nothing will happen unless I go to the source of this mess. But…” She shook her head. “Another time. We should make headway before sunrise. Ready my ship.”

Blorg saluted and left without another word. Kilaneka glanced out the window one more time. Another car sped down the street and stopped in front of a nearby house. The movement of the car caused the flowers near the sidewalk to sway. A woman came out of the house to greet her visitor. They spoke to each other for a few minutes before heading inside, laughing the entire way. 

Such simple lives they led. 

She spun on her heel towards the center of the room.

"Computer."

A small beep sounded.

"Yes, Kilaneka?"

She clasped her hands together. Her gloves were too tight. She’d have to come up with another pair.

"Initiate departure procedures."

A pause. "Are you certain of this decision?"

Kilaneka squinted. "Am I being questioned by my own computer?"

"Standard procedure, ma'am."

"Fair enough." She nodded. "Yes."

The small clock on the wall, stopped since her first days on the planet, began ticking. 

"Initiating departure procedures. Five minutes to destruction."

Kilaneka rushed to the desk and grabbed a data stick off the top before dashing out of the room and down the stairs. She looked into the living area. A school uniform sat rumpled on a nearby armchair. One sock sat on the floor in front of her. The other was nowhere to be seen. Good enough. 

"Four minutes to destruction."

She froze.

"_ The snacks!" _

Kilaneka sped into the kitchen and threw open the cupboard closest to the entryway. Three whole shelves full of snacks, and she was about to disgrace herself by forgetting them. She shoved as many of them into her arms as she could, growling curses under her breath when clanking footsteps dashed into the room.

"The ship is re-" Blorg stopped and stared as Kilaneka shoved a bag of chips between her pointed teeth. "Do you need help?"

"Hngh?" She let the bag fall out of her mouth. “Yes, I need help! Take some and get to the ship!”

“Two minutes to destruction.”

“What happened to _ three?! _” Kilaneka growled, then ran off with her bundle of snacks. She threw open the sliding door to the backyard with her foot. Her one source of relief in all of this was the quiet whirring of her ship in the grass. She sprinted over, kicked open a compartment and shoved the snacks inside. 

“Blorg!” She slapped her forehead. “I really need to think of a better name…” After a pause, she cleared her throat. “Hurry up!”

Blorg appeared by her side and placed the remaining snacks inside before shutting the compartment. 

“Thirty seconds to destruction.”

“_ Get in! _” Kilaneka tucked Blorg under her arm and hopped in her ship. She dragged her fingers across the main interface of the ship, cloaking it in seconds. With a breath, she pressed down on the acceleration and soared towards the stars. Bright, orange light burst from below. The scent of smoke filled her senses, and the sound of crumbling infrastructure ushered exhilaration into her veins. She let out a triumphant laugh.

“And no snack was left behind!” she cheered, punching a gloved fist into the air. 

“Almost _ too _ close for comfort,” Blorg replied. 

“Yes, well…” Kilaneka leaned back in her seat, stretching her long legs as much as she could in the small space. “I’d never forgive myself if I left my Lo-Choo’s behind. Not like I could go back for them. I’m dead...in the eyes of this country, anyway.”

She looked down at the land beneath them. Tiny houses lined the streets, pristine in structure and alignment. Smaller yards sat trimmed and prettied, waiting to be cultivated for fresh plant life or put on display to impress a naive neighbor. The haze coming from her previous residence added an almost ethereal quality to it. It was relaxing. Beautiful, really. 

As destruction always was.

“Just look at it all,” she breathed, tracing out the smoke patterns with a finger. “It’ll be even prettier once I lay claim to it.”

“All of it?” asked Blorg, purple robotic eyes flashing.

Kilaneka leaned back again. After all of this time, the injustice and misfortune wrought, the reckless torment of her people, the undying menace’s presence, even thousands of planets away, was too much to let fester. 

“Yes.” Her red eyes narrowed. “_ All of it. _”

\-----

Kilaneka stared into the bathroom mirror one more time. She touched the top of her head, where brown hair sat in place of antennae. Not a single wobble in her hologram, though she wasn’t exactly pleased with the hairstyle. This “ponytail” didn’t strike her as normal enough. Maybe it was the red ribbon she threw on there at the last second. She blinked, so unused to blue eyes staring back, as opposed to brown or her natural Irken red. She squinted at her pink shirt. Something about muffins. Or was it sushi? Either way, they had faces. She almost hated how much she liked their simple smiles. After a moment, she patted her face. Still no flaws, but after all of this time, pinkish skin still struck her as strange. The ears never looked right, either. She smiled and immediately missed her pointed grin. Human teeth were flat and boring in comparison. 

She tapped her foot against the floor twice, then shuffled out of the bathroom towards her locker. Which number was it again? The supposed adult human in the front office told her as such, even wrote it down. Kilaneka skimmed the lockers, then stopped at a set. She checked the paperwork. Forty-nine. The code was simple, thankfully. It was nothing like Ganashan codes. She bit her tongue, shuddering at the thought of cracking any more of those. 

There wasn’t too much to put in there, save for the few extra gel pens she brought with her and a spare notebook. That one had a galaxy on it, and part of her was excited to actually use it. A sign of progress, perhaps, albeit a small one. Kilaneka shut her locker before heading to her assigned classroom. Well, the first one. She’d have to shuffle to different rooms several times before the day was done, much to her annoyance. The instructors had legs. They could walk just as well. 

Despite her best efforts, she started the term a day or two late, as well as the day. Tours and paperwork, as well as coming up with fake names and documentation for her nonexistent parental units, took up the first two hours. Then she was left to her own devices, which brought her to...she pulled out her schedule. Biology. It could be useful. The Chemistry classes in Japan proved somewhat elementary, but she still gained something from it all. Mainly volatile chemical reactions. Good for research.

Kilaneka took a breath and knocked on the door. A cheerful voice piped up from the other side, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe. 

“Ah! That must be your new classmate!”

After a few seconds, the door swung open, and she was met with a smiling younger man. Smartly dressed and well-groomed, with an air of cheerfulness and understanding. Decidedly instructor material, at least for humans.

“Come in!” he exclaimed, stepping aside to allow her passage. Kilaneka took a few steps in and nearly shrieked in surprise. There he sat, right in front, spindly legs hardly fitting under his desk. 

What luck. 

And what a disgustingly horrible disguise. He didn’t even bother to change his skin color, and the eye lenses were clearly fake. It was a wonder he hadn’t been discovered upon arrival, or lost his eyesight completely from the friction of the lenses. And why in Irk’s name was he still wearing his standard Irken clothes? That should have been a dead giveaway that he was not of this world, but he’d clearly gotten away with it long enough. Were all humans so blatantly blind, or just the ones here? There wasn’t a good subject to test this with in Japan.

She bit back her disdain and pasted the brightest, most natural smile she could muster, ignoring the brief gaze of bewilderment she garnered from his general direction. She’d glared for too long. 

“We’re so happy to have you with us for Biology,” their instructor gushed. “Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?”

She turned and swallowed hard, feigning anxiety and suppressing rage as she faced the dead-eyed stares of her fellow students.

“Hi, everyone,” she started. “I’m...Nikki.” That would do. “I...just moved here from Japan not too long ago. I’m really excited to be in a new place. It’s already so different. And, um…”

Kilaneka surveyed the room, gaze eventually resting on her target. She widened her pleasant grin.

“It’s nice to meet you all.”


	2. Never Enough Spice

She wasn't sure how, but this version of human education proved to be more mind-melting than the last. The information she received was interesting enough, but most of these so-called "instructors" had no intriguing bone in their bodies. Well, maybe if she cut them open.

Setting that thought aside for the time being, Kilaneka turned her gaze back to her notes. Some Earthen historical event, coupled with mostly strange doodles she conjured with a red gel pen. Another paragraph of notes she accidentally scribbled down in Irken. Horrible habit, but the only other being who could read it was on the opposite side of the room. She squinted in his general direction, anyway. How he ended up in half of her classes was a mystery to her, and she wasn’t sure if she hated it or if would be of some use. Perhaps both. Their instructor mentioned something about another war in this country’s history. She wrote down a few key points, then went back to doodling until the bell rang.

Kilaneka meandered out of the classroom and took a peek at her class schedule. Was it an “A” day or a “B” day? Either way, both had a scheduled break at the same time every day. She smiled and almost skipped over to her locker. After a quick turn of the lock, it swung open, and she practically scrambled inside to grab her food. If anything was going to get her through the day, it was a meal she managed to prepare herself. She shut her locker with a dainty kick and hurried towards the cafeteria. 

The container she cradled in her hands contained her own version of a dish that was popular in Japan during her stay: curry, but made exclusively with vegetables and the best rice she could find. She also took a liking to the higher spice levels of some curries, so it made sense to keep that going in her own meal preparation. If she was going to suffer through human education, she was going to do it with food to look forward to by midday. 

She peeked into the cafeteria and breathed a sigh of relief. Her usual table was empty, utterly devoid of other students. Just how she liked it. Kilaneka hummed a quiet tune as she strolled over and took her seat, popping open the lid of her container. It still smelled wonderful, even after sitting in her locker for a few hours. The heating pad she built worked small miracles without melting the metal shelf it currently sat upon. She pulled a red can out of another pocket of her bag. It chilled her fingers instantly, which meant the cold pack was working, as well. She popped the top and took a sip. At least soda was a nice treat, though not quite the energy boost she was used to while off-world.

After another whiff, Kilaneka picked up her fork, skewered a small carrot and shoved it in her mouth. Perfectly cooked, with just the right amount of kick to it. That’s what humans called the spice level of a food sometimes, though she wasn’t sure why. Vegetables didn’t have legs. Still, the flavor made her smile, which was all that mattered at the moment. She scooped up a small bundle of rice and munched away, humming with every bite. The flavor was almost enough to make her forget she was on a foreign planet with almost no answers to contribute to her mission. They would come with time, that she knew, but the texture of the vegetables and the potency of the curry set aside her anxieties and frustrations. 

That is, until a presence loomed over her.

Kilaneka blinked and shifted her gaze to her left. Someone stood at an angle behind her. Not that this hadn’t happened before. The students in Japan were almost  _ too _ nice about their inclusion efforts. Something about this encounter, however, felt different. 

“Hey,” the snooty voice demanded. “What’s with the veggies?”

An interrogation.  _ Lovely. _

Kilaneka looked up and squinted at the young man questioning her eating habits. He was too well-dressed for this kind of setting. A collared shirt tucked into tan pants was overly formal, if not some form of pompous. His smooth head of dark hair only accentuated the smug smile on his face.

She cleared her throat and leaned an elbow on the table.

“What about them?” she replied. “They’re my lunch.”

He scoffed. “Y’know, guys don’t like it when girls only eat rabbit food. You should  _ really _ consider meat if you’re gonna impress men.”

Kilaneka cocked an illusory eyebrow. “Bold of you to assume I’m here to impress  _ anyone _ . What I eat is of no concern to any man, including you, if you can call yourself one.” She looked back at her food. “Now, if you’re finished criticizing my choice of lunch, go back to your own. You’re dismissed.”

“ _ Dismissed? _ ” He stalked to the other side of the table and leaned into her space. “ _ No one _ dismisses me.”

“Well, there  _ is _ a first time for everything.” She stared him directly in the eyes as she took another bite of her food and swallowed. “And I’ve just done it. So. Leave.”

His eyes narrowed. “Aren’t  _ you _ a nasty one? It’s girls like you that give nice guys a bad name.”

She glanced to her left, then her right. “Do you hear that?”

“What?”

Kilaneka cupped a hand around her ear. “It’s my care about your feelings, flying out the window. Listen to its frantic flutters.” She picked up her fork again. “Bother someone else with your drivel.”

He slammed his hand on the table. She blinked slowly, ignoring the stares of fellow classmates. 

“ _ This _ is what I get for giving you advice?” he growled. “I give you some pointers, and you repay me by being a bitch?”

“I don’t recall  _ asking _ for your useless advice,” she retorted. 

He tapped a finger against the table. “Nikki, right?” He leaned even closer. “You should learn to be grateful when a man gives you advice. Now you have to make it up to me.”

Kilaneka let out a short, loud laugh. “Hmm. I don’t think so. You’ve no idea what game you’re playing.”

He ignored her comment and looked up at the ceiling before looking back at her. “Tell you what,  _ Nikki _ . You look smart enough, and I need good grades if I’m gonna get into the best college in the country in a few years. Do my homework for a month and we can forget about this little mishap. Unless you  _ like _ being known as the school outcast.”

She glanced down at her food. It was getting cold. Her eye twitched. 

“I have a better idea.”

Kilaneka skewered a vegetable onto her fork and shoved it into the young man’s mouth as he was opening it to protest. His teeth scraped it off her utensil, and he staggered backwards out of her space. It was only then she noticed the cafeteria was silent, save for the few horrified gasps that puffed up from the crowd. She set her fork down and watched.

“What the-”

His thoughts were cut short by his taste buds catching ablaze. He coughed, the vegetable still sitting on his tongue. Kilaneka could tell by the movement of his throat that he made the mistake of swallowing it. A hand flew to his mouth, eyes widening and tears of pain brimming to their creases. 

“ _ What did you do to me?! _ ” he shouted through the gaps of his fingers. 

She pulled a napkin from her bag and wiped her fork, still staring at him all the while.

“I thought I should share my meal,” she replied. “You seemed so bothered that it wasn’t yours.”

A few students from his table ran to his side as he hunched over. Two of them glared at her.

“You’re gonna pay for this!” one of the girls shrieked.

Kilaneka folded her hands on the table. “I only have twenty cents in my pocket. Not nearly enough to fix his problem.”

The young man screamed, clutching his mouth with both hands. 

“Get him to the nurse, quick!” The same girl barked. The group rushed out of the room, almost dragging the guy out of the room between his pained yells. She looked back at Kilaneka and narrowed her eyes before stalking out of the room behind her group.

Silence filled the cafeteria again. A hundred stares pelted her, but Kilaneka picked up her fork and began eating again. Soon enough, chatter filtered in once more.

She let out a small giggle. 

Humans were so stupid when they wanted to be.

\-----

“Okay, but he had that reaction to vegetables? Doesn’t that seem a  _ little _ weird to you?”

Gaz sighed. “She could’ve put a bunch of spices on it, Dib. It’s not weird to season food.”

Dib frowned, staring across the way. “But that many seasonings?”

“So she’s more hardcore than you. Not hard to do.”

Dib rolled his eyes, but continued keeping his gaze on the new girl. She looked so calm, sitting on the nearby brick wall and reading a book. Almost like that whole thing in the cafeteria never happened. Having that kind of argument would have shaken a lot of other kids. Or maybe that was his anxiety and paranoia bubbling up in his brain to roast him on his own personal experiences with the guy.

Still, there was something weird about Nikki. No, not weird. Intriguing? Maybe that was the word he was looking for. She dressed and acted like she would never lay a finger on anyone, but sent a kid to the nurse’s office, maybe even the hospital, within her first week. Something about the way she handled herself caught his attention.

He got to his feet and brushed off his dark jacket. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

Gaz gave him a grunt of acknowledgement. He walked across the grass and stopped just a few feet in front of her. If she heard his crunching footsteps, she didn’t give them a lot of notice.

Dib cleared his throat. “Hey, uh...Nikki?”

Nikki looked up from her book, blue eyes wide with surprise. “Oh! Sorry.” She marked her place and shut her book. “You’re...Dib, right?”

“Yeah.” He scratched his head. “Kind of surprised you remembered my name.”

She tilted her head. “Well, it’s kind of hard to forget you when you look like you’re about to throttle Zim during Biology.”

“Wha-”

Nikki let out a small giggle. “Sorry. Just an observation.” She tapped the spine of her book. “I tend to get lost in my own head, but that doesn’t mean I don’t notice things. Like Zim asking if humans have a...oh gosh.” She bit her lip, thinking. “A woolidy-spich?”

“Something like that.”

Her smile dropped into a small frown. “Sorry. English isn’t my best language.”

“No, no!” Dib shook his head. “You’re doing great. I mean, I can barely tell you spent so much time in Japan.”

Nikki breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh good.” She paused. “But...I guess you didn’t come over here to speak of languages, did you?”

Was he really so easy to read?

“You got me.” He kicked a nearby pebble. “I guess I wanted to thank you.”

“What, for putting a little boy in his place?” An amused smile crossed her face. “Don’t mention it. People like that need to learn somehow.”

Dib shrugged. “It’s more than that. Franco likes to test the new kids to see if they’ll shrink. Thinks he owns the school or something. So it was nice to see someone spit in his face, so to speak.”

Nikki smacked her book. “I  _ knew _ I was missing a step! I should have spit on him before feeding him a curry-laced vegetable slice.”

He laughed a bit, then cleared his throat, shuffling his left foot. “But I gotta ask: how did you know about his pepper allergy?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Oh. Franco has a pepper allergy. Kinda surprised no one took advantage of it until now.”

Nikki shook her head. “I didn’t know. But most people don’t have the tolerance for my curry. The twitchy worm wouldn’t shut up and let me eat, so it was my next option.”

That sounded normal enough. Still…

“It’s just a rumor right now, but he might end up in the hospital.”

Her annoyed expression dropped into a glare. “Good.”

There was a certain fury in her voice he couldn’t quite place. Familiar, but not at the same time. Something about it unsettled him, but the feeling skittered away once her pleasant smile reappeared. 

“Sorry.” She brushed some stray hair out of her face. “I just. Think it’s really rude to interrupt someone like that when they’re enjoying a meal, you know?”

Dib smiled. It was the first time in a while someone engaged him in a decent conversation. That would probably change if he even thought of bringing up the paranormal, but he’d take what he could get while a potential friend sat in front of him. He could already tell Nikki had a strong sense of justice. It was something a lot of people lacked, something that was sorely needed. Sure, she had a weird way of going about it, but it wasn’t anything weirder than what he’d already seen in the past few years.

The impact of something squishy hitting his head interrupted his train of thought. Nikki gasped in surprise. Dib looked down. It was a perfectly good blueberry muffin, and someone decided it was a great idea to lob it at him instead of eating it. 

It wasn’t really hard to figure out who it was.

“ _ HA! _ ”

Dib turned his head to look at the perpetrator. His eyes narrowed.

“Really, Zim? You can’t eat a muffin like a normal person?”

“Psh!” He folded his arms. “You’re just angry you didn’t think of it  _ first! _ ”

“I’ve got other ways of exposing you, y’know.”

“And have  _ any _ of them worked?”

Dib looked away, his fingers tugging at the sleeves of his coat.

“Aww, the Dib-human can’t succeed in his own mission. So, so  _ sad _ . But what can you expect from a stupid dirt boy?”

“ _ Hey. _ ”

Dib looked behind him. Nikki was off the brick wall and on her feet, eyes narrowed into a sharp glare. He glanced back at Zim, who actually looked taken aback by her interjection.

“Eh?” Zim frowned, then briefly exposed his jagged teeth. “And what do  _ you _ want? Crawl back to your filthy nest.”

“Shut up.”

Zim growled in response. “Are you trying to silence  _ me? _ ”

“Yeah, I am.” Nikki took a step forward, then stopped. “What makes you think you can talk to people like that? You’re not better than anyone else here. Maybe you should think about that before running your mouth.”

“And  _ you _ think you can tell  _ Zim _ what to do?” He took a step closer. “You’ve no  _ idea _ what you toy with,  _ maggot _ .”

“No, I think I do.”

Nikki picked up the muffin, tossed it between her hands, and threw it at Zim with brute force. It hit Zim in the side with an audible smack, shattering into pieces on impact and knocking him to the ground. Dib took a step back, watching as Zim twitched before sitting up and growling at Nikki again. 

“How  _ dare you- _ ”

A distant rumble of thunder stopped Zim in his tracks. He gasped and got to his feet, brushing the crumbs off of his clothes. 

“We’ll finish this later,” he seethed, then ran out of sight. Dib blinked and turned back to Nikki.

“ _ Man!” _ he exclaimed. “That muffin exploded! Where did you learn to throw like that?”

Nikki shrugged. “I dabbled in a few sports back in Japan.” Her eyebrows knitted together. “Does this happen often? Zim bothering you, I mean.”

“We, uh...kind of go back a ways.”

Understatement of the year, but he couldn’t go telling her about all of his theories and findings, all the things he’d seen and been through because one alien decided Earth was the place to conquer. Not yet. There was no way he was scaring off someone that actually thought listening to him was worthwhile. Maybe later, when she possibly brought up a few weird things by herself...if she did at all.

“Well…” Nikki swept her book into her backpack. “If he gives you too much trouble, you know where to find me.” More thunder rolled, closer this time. Nikki frowned. “I should get going. If I get caught out in the rain, I’ll never be able to take my hair down painlessly.” She tossed her backpack onto one shoulder. “I’ll see you around sometime, yeah?”

Dib nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”

She flashed him one last smile before zipping away to beat the rain. A genuine smile crossed his lips. She’d only been with his class for about a week, but there was so much kindness in her voice when she talked to most people, including himself. She didn’t like Zim much, though, if that small encounter was anything to go by. 

May he could use that to his advantage. 

Dib smacked his forehead. That sounded like a much better idea before it actually made a few cycles around his brain. He had to get his priorities straight before he did anything.

Friendship first, alien hunting later. 

\-----

Kilaneka settled into a nearby chair, sighing. The cosmos showed no signs of progress, but the events of the day gave her a hopeful sign of things to come. 

Dib. It sounded more like a candy than a name, but he was smart. Smarter than a fair chunk of his peers, anyway, but he was a lonely sort. There was something about him that drove him away from the others, that stopped him from saying something that lurked on the tip of his tongue. She noticed it in the small pauses he took before speaking to her, among other things. A careful, anxious boy. 

He was the perfect liaison between herself and the machinations of the planet. If that failed,  though, he was a suitable ally in the crusade against Zim. Usefulness oozed off of his lanky form. She grinned.

“Any news?”

The tinny voice stirred her out of her thoughts. Kilaneka shook her head. 

“Not from above,” she started, “but certainly on the planet’s surface.”

“Picking naive subjects again?”

“Like Sheltfa plants in a lone Irken field. You know me too well.” She swung her legs over an arm of her chair. “I need you to initiate reconnaissance on the Membrane family. Find out as much as you can while remaining innocuous.”

“Innocuous as in...stay in the disguise you built for me?”

“You know humans can’t resist a fluffy cat.” She snapped her fingers. “That’s it! Fluffy! A good placeholder name for you!”

Fluffy sighed, but nodded. “I’ll set out for reconnaissance at dawn.” 

They wandered out of the room and left Kilaneka to her own devices. She closed her eyes, savoring the sweet sensations of success. 

All that was left to do was to commemorate it with a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I play around with my spices while cooking. Amazing what a simple meal can inspire!


	3. Advanced Robotics

“Status update.”

The screen in front of her flashed green text.

“Update at 65 percent.”

Kilaneka sighed. “Is there any way to make it go faster?”

“If you’re wanting a shock to your entire system that could kill you, I might be able to work something out.”

She rolled her eyes. “Alright, enough of your snark, computer. Just keep working on it. Not like I haven’t been pakless before.”

Though it  _ was _ a strange sensation. Kilaneka patted her upper back, making a face at one of the holes that met her fingers. She glanced at the screen again. 66 percent. She frowned and turned towards the entryway. 

“I’ll be upstairs,” she said. “Alert me when the updates are complete.”

She slipped into the nearby elevator and pressed the button to take her upstairs. Underground bases were wonderful. Clean for the most part, out of sight, but it always took so long to get back up to the surface. Still, as long as she kept the floors above innocuous, no one had any reason to go exploring down below. 

After a few minutes, the elevator came to a stop. She peeked out of the open doors. Dark, as it should be. She stepped out and pushed open the secondary door that kept her in darkness. Sometimes she forgot she set this up within a standing wardrobe, nestled in the darkest corner of the basement. Kilaneka held a finger out to the curious spider on her shoulder. It skittered onto her hand. 

“What beautiful colors you have,” she cooed. “I bet you’re poisonous to humans.” Kilaneka smiled at the spider’s black and red hues. She wandered up the creaky basement stairs and into the kitchen, the small arachnid clinging to her fingers. 

“ _ Ma’am! _ ”

Kilaneka froze at the top of the stairs. 

“Is there someone at the door?” she called.

“I, um…” Fluffy cleared their throat, if a robot could do such a thing. “You might not want to come out here if you’re  _ not dressed for company _ .”

Her eyes widened. How did someone get into her base? Her unit wasn’t the kind to let any creature with sentience through her defenses. She set the spider down on a nearby windowsill and pressed a small switch on the back of her neck, activating her disguise. Kilaneka walked to the living area.

“What’s going on-”

She gasped and took a few steps backwards, gripping the entryway. There, in the center of the room, was a tiny green dog. Or, what was  _ supposed  _ to be a tiny green dog. She knew exactly who this was and who he belonged to, but there were other questions at hand. 

Kilaneka glanced at her robot, who now donned the disguise of a white, fluffy cat. The placeholder name was good for something. 

“Fluffy,” she started. “How did this  _ dog _ get into the house?”

Fluffy jumped on the couch and curled up, still staring at the intruder. “I don’t know. I should be answering you in meows, but I highly doubt this thing will remember I can communicate.”

She sighed and took a few steps forward, kneeling down in front of the plushie-like dog. The eyes were so big she was surprised they hadn’t been torn out of the costume by now. The stitching alone was hideous. How had no one figured out by now that this wasn’t a dog? Either humans were truly this stupid, or Zim had somehow brainwashed everyone into thinking this was the pinnacle of dog pedigree. She almost laughed at the thought. 

Kilaneka tilted her head and gave the supposed dog a small smile. 

“Well, aren’t you a cute one?” she said, almost through gritted teeth. She blinked, recentering her focus. “But it looks like you ended up at the wrong house. Why don’t we get you back to your owner before it gets dark, hmm?”

The dog stared at her for a long minute before pointing towards the kitchen.

“Onnnnnly if I get a tacoooooooo!”

She snapped her head in Fluffy’s direction. “Since  _ when _ do we have tacos in the house?”

Fluffy sat up. “Since a few hours ago. There were some vegetarian options you wanted to try, but someone switched them for meat. They’ve been sitting on the counter since-where did it go?”

Kilaneka looked back at the floor. The dog was gone. She scrambled to her feet and ran into the kitchen. The tiny green menace was seated at the kitchen table, happily munching on the tacos no one else was going to eat. She stared, panic beginning to settle. This was hardly worth calling a spy probe. Truly, the little robot beneath the sickening disguise only wanted the food. But how long had it been following her and her unit home? Was it a plan to follow them home, or just a happy coincidence? Her eyes narrowed, but she quickly shook her menacing glare away and exchanged it for a kind smile. 

“Hmm. I guess you really wanted those tacos. Not like I was gonna eat ‘em, anyway.” She approached the table and picked up the robot while it munched on the last of the tacos. “But we really do have to get you home. Do you know where you came from?”

The robot paused, then pointed up towards the sky. Towards Irk, perhaps. 

Kilaneka let out a small laugh. “I don’t think so, buddy. Dogs can’t fly, last time I checked.” She wandered back into the living area. “Watch the house while I’m gone, Fluffy. I’m going out to find his owner. I’m hoping he’s not  _ too _ far away.” She walked out the front door, tiny robot in her arms as she shut it behind her and started her trek into the neighborhood. 

A cool breeze whipped around her, sending a small chill through her body. She hated when the temperatures began to drop. It didn’t matter which planet she was on, but the changing seasons were particularly defined on Earth. She would rather dive into a solar system’s star than face five minutes of cold, and she swore she was the only Irken to care. Her classmates had no trouble blowing through the freezing conditions they were subjected to as part of exams in the Academy. Herself, on the other hand…

She frowned, focusing on the Sun’s warmth brushing her skin. The robot squirmed a bit, but was utterly satisfied with himself, otherwise. She let out a quiet laugh. Zim landed quite the incompetent SIR unit, but at least the little guy was cute, as much as she hated to admit it. She kept walking for a while, scanning her surroundings for any sign of Zim and the horrible wig he wore. All she saw were a few confused neighbors before she spotted the lanky Irken in the distance. The robot let out a high-pitched screech. Kilaneka jumped and rolled into a nearby bush. 

“Shhh!” She held a finger up to the mouth of the robot’s disguise. “We can’t let him know you’re here yet.”

“Hmmmmm?” The robot tilted his head. 

“It’s, uh…” She smiled. “It’s a surprise! Everyone in school knows that Zim  _ loves _ surprises. He’ll be so happy to know he got one and found you all in the same day. How does that sound?”

The robot squeaked and clapped his hands. Kilaneka shushed him again. 

“But we have to be quiet about it. I’ll…” She racked her brain for ideas. “If you stay quiet and help me with this surprise, I’ll let you come over for tacos every week. Sound good?”

He held up a plush hand and shushed her.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she whispered. 

Footsteps clicked down the way. Kilaneka held her breath, waiting for the telltale black boots to appear. Her blood pumped at the familiar fast pace she felt whenever she carried out reconnaissance. Although, instead of taking notes on guard patterns and royal habits, she was going to scare the antennae right off of Zim.

A stupid use of her skills? Yes. 

A pair of feet stopped just to the left of the bush. She waited for them to turn in the opposite direction. After a minute, they shifted to walk the other way. Kilaneka immediately leapt out of the bush in front of them.

“ _ I found your dog! _ ” she yelled, shoving the now screeching robot in front of the person’s face. Zim’s scream met her delighted senses. He stumbled and fell to the ground, growling as said robot landed on his chest and started dancing.

Stupid, but absolutely worth it.

“ _ You! _ ”

Kilaneka brushed the leaves off of her shirt as Zim got to his feet. “Hmm?”

He stalked over, mere feet away from her. “How  _ dare _ you try to scare the mighty  _ Zim _ with his own dog! Did you think you would gain an  _ advantage?! _ ”

She bit back a laugh. “No. I just thought it would be fun to surprise you. Dib told me you  _ love _ surprises. Besides, your dog wandered into my house.”

Zim snarled. “The Dib lied to you to catch me off-wait.” He looked down at his robot. “_GIR!_ _Why_ were you in this dirt human’s house?”

So that was his unit’s name. Kilaneka filed it away for her reference while Gir came up with a response to his master’s question.

“She had alllllllllll the tacos!” Gir exclaimed. Kilaneka snorted. Zim scowled at her. 

“So you’ve made it a point to steal my perfectly normal dog?”

“What? No.” Kilaneka shook her head. “I have a cat. Why would I want your dog? I told you, he followed me home and-”

“ _ LIES! _ ” Zim procured a leash and attached it to Gir’s costume. “If I find you stealing things from me  _ again _ , you will never have another peaceful sleep for  _ as long as you live! _ ”

“I  _ said _ I didn’t steal him.” Kilaneka lowered her confused look into a glare. “But if you  _ insist _ on making me your enemy, go ahead. I’ve had far worse enemies than  _ you _ .”

His eyes narrowed. “You sealed your fate the  _ second _ you threw that  _ disgusting  _ muffin!”

She folded her arms. “All is fair in war, Zim. Besides, you threw it  _ first _ .”

He growled again, then turned and stalked away from her, dragging Gir on the ground. Gir squealed and waved goodbye to her. Kilaneka waved back, suppressing her laughter until the pair was well out of sight. 

She let out a short string of cackles, covering her mouth in a dainty gesture once she was finished. It was a successful day, after all, and she learned a little something about Gir as a result. Mainly that the tiny robot could be swayed with tacos, maybe other food. She would have to test this in later weeks, as Gir was sure to come by the house again. If he remembered anything, it was definitely going to be tacos over whatever Zim told him to do. 

Kilaneka glanced up at the sky. It was already taking on orange and red hues. She turned on her heel and dashed back to base before the chill of night caught up to her. 

\-----

“You did  _ what now? _ ”

Kilaneka turned in her computer chair to look at her robot. “You heard me correctly, Fluffy. I invited Zim’s robot over for tacos every week so I can gain information. It’s not foolproof, but it could be a way of learning about the weaknesses of Zim’s base. Besides, how else was I supposed to scare Zim to the ground?”

Fluffy retrieved her pak from the console. “Taking the petty route again, I see.”

“Of course I am.” She pushed herself out of her chair and knelt down on the floor. Her pak attached itself to her back with a small click. She remained still while Fluffy calibrated the updates. “I can’t execute my plan in its totality yet, so this is the best I can do for now. And it’s much more fun when you play with your prey before you slaughter them and dip your flag of conquest in their entrails.” 

“I was wondering when enemy entrails were going to come up again.”

“What, too much?”

“No, that’s tame for you.” Fluffy closed the rest of her pak. “Your updates are complete.”

“Agh, good. The floor hurts my knees.” Kilaneka got to her feet. “I should have recorded his reactions. Then I could at least show them off to-”

Kilaneka stopped herself. She glanced over at the console across the way, which displayed Earth and its surrounding planets. It reported nothing, not even a blip.

“Is everything alright?”

She blinked a few times. “Yes...I’m fine.” She tugged at one of her gloves. “You may do what you like for now. I need some time to think.”

Thankfully, Fluffy took that as their sign to leave. She waited until they were gone to release the breath she’d been holding and walked over to the signaless computer console. She set her hands on the main control board. 

“Quick scan.”

Her eyes darted as figures and texts scrolled on the screen. The console beeped after a minute or so. She glared at the flashing text in front of her. 

_ No signal found. _

“All of these planets,” she muttered, “and nothing.”

Kilaneka tapped her fingers against the console. Two years of nothing. It echoed in her mind. She punched it down again, staring at the unsatisfactory results. It would change one day. Maybe after a few tweaks to the system, she would pick up something she’d been missing. She gripped the edge of the console.

She had to keep trying. 


End file.
